There is always...
Storm on Lake Michigan
Seems like, no matter what, there is always something. I hear that a lot in my office...and it usually means that there is always something BAD happening! People rarely come to see me when things are just swell. That being said, for every BAD thing that happens, I like to believe that there is always something....something good...to come after the bad. Something to learn....something to do...something to live for...something to work towards...something to yearn for...something to hope for...something to dream about...but...but what about those times when there isn't?
What about those times when...just when life has you pressed against the wall and you KNOW you're about to get hit with a truckload of "yuck"...those times when you just cannot, for the life of you, figure out how you are supposed to get out of THIS mess? Those times come for all of us. I remember one client who, for the life of her, had thought she had it allllll going on...and then life imploded. As a result, she was a mess inside and out. She blamed everyone and everything for her issues and I listened patiently as she railed against life and fought tooth and nail against acceptance. Funny thing...I didn't have to "do" much of anything...just listen and offer a well-timed insight here and there.
Over the course of a couple of years, I watched her froth and spew and anguish about events that really, honestly, did not matter at this point. But, to her, they meant the world and she needed to finally (finally!) process through all of the hurt and anger from the past. See, that's the thing...we can't just "go through it". We are creatures of feeling and of reason. We have emotions. When we don't learn to FEEL those emotions and try to stuff them into a box...well, all hell breaks lose eventually.
All of this anger over what could not be changed...yet we all go through this process - and more than once! Finally, after time passed and the anger was spent...acceptance came into play and from there, learning and growth. That was the key to the whole process...and in that process, she learned something about acceptance, she learned a bit of empathy and even some trust (still working on that).
The point of this story (and please know that this story is shared with permission) is that we all get hit with trucks full of yuck in our lives. We all have to go through awful times. We all have devastating events and lousy periods in our lives. But, if we can reach out and let another person help us - just by listening to us perhaps - well, then we can work our way through the storm and enjoy the aftermath. There is always, ALWAYS, a solution.
Be nice to yourself...
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Dr. Ken Stanek
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